This was the feedback from the first segment of my story:
Svanya, Primal King, Gojira2K, Paden, TheDinosaurman, and Mr Happy said it was really good AND unique, which is what I was specifically aiming for!
-Some one (I will not reveal who they are) told me I may want to use a proofreader, which I asked Primal King to be myproofreader, which he was EXTREMELY happy and honored to do! (Primal King you are AWESOME! =))
- Someone said my story was a bit far-fecthed, which I already knew. I will try to put a strict limit on making the story far-fecthed so the story manages to saty enjoyable.
That was it, feel free to tell me any improvements I could use via a comment or preferrably a Personal Message.